


You and I

by Semi_problematic



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Another breakup fic, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:31:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Philip and Lukas breakup. It doesn't go as planned.





	

"So you didn't break up with Rose?" Philip asked, looking down at his hands, playing with his thumbs.

"Philip.."

"And you lied to me?" He looked up at Lukas, biting his cheek.

Lukas sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "That isn't what happened, Philip..."

"Oh yeah?" Philip let out a dry laugh. "Then please, explain."

"It's easier this wa-"

"It's easier for you, Lukas!" Philip stood up, running his fingers through his hair, beginning to pace.

Lukas stared at him for a few seconds. Philip barely yelled. This was new.

"So you've got nothing to say now, huh?" Philip stopped in front of Lukas, crossing his arms.

"She's just.." Lukas closed his eyes. "She's gonna pretend to be my girlfriend that way you and I can be friends and no one will know I'm.." He looked down.

Philip laughed, shaking his head. "Gay, Lukas, you're gay."

"Philip, don't he like this.." Lukas wrapped his arms around Philips waist but he was quickly shoved off.

"We shouldn't be dating."

Lukas felt a pain like he had been sucker punched. "W-what?"

"You can't even say you're gay, so why are we dating.." Philip was talking softer now, looking back down at the ground. It amazed Lukas how fast Philip could go from being rough around the edges to being smooth and small.

"Baby.."

"Don't!" He yelled, looking up at Lukas, anger written all over his face. "Just.." Softer again. "Just don't, okay?"  
Lukas nodded, taking a few steps back, trying his hardest to ignore his urge to reach out and touch Philip. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

Philip closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm going home."

"Philip.."

Philip ignored him, picking up his backpack, pulling it on. "I'll see you."

"Philip!" Lukas grabbed his arm, pulling him into his chest. Philip tensed but slowly relaxed when Lukas continued holding him.

"What?" Philip muttered, pressing his face closer to Lukas. He couldn't help it, it was an instinct now.

"It's not a big deal, we're just gonna hold hands and keep the dating label." Lukas pulled way, looking down at Philip. "And we can talk at school without anyone thinking anything."

Philip pushed Lukas away again and it seemingly got more painful. 

"No."

"Philip, c'mon.."

"You're ashamed of me." Philip replied, his words dripping in venom.

Lukas stared at him. How could Philip think that? He was more proud of being with Philip than all of his motocross trophies combined.

"Exactly." Philip said a few seconds later. "Bye." He mumbled, turning, walking off.

And Lukas let him, because again, he didn't know what to say.

~ 

Three days and 33 texts later, Philip walked into school Monday morning. It wasn't easy, avoiding Lukas, everything reminded Philip of him. The blue in the sky barely amounting to the beauty in Lukas' eyes. Straddling his bike seat reminded him of how empty he was for not sitting behind Lukas on his bike. And simply leaving the house and feeling the wind against him made him remember the fact that he wasn't with Lukas, he couldn't be. He wouldn't be. A small reminder was around every twist and turn in that stupid small town and frankly Philip couldn't wait to get out of it.

He adjusted his backpack, stepping inside the front doors of the school, keeping his face down, eyes trained on the floor. He learned that if he didn't look people wouldn't notice. God, he wished Lukas hadn't noticed. 

He turned down a hall, bumping shoulders with someone, wincing and saying a silent prayer that they didn't call him out on it. Thankfully, they didn't, Philip wasn't sure he could take anyone messing with him today.

Philip stopped in front of his locker, running his fingers through his hair, turning the lock. He let out a happy sigh when he heard his locker unlock. He pulled it open, opening his backpack, stuffing the books he needed for the first three classes into it. Then he made the mistake to look up.

Lukas walked down the hall, Rose hanging on his arm, smiling as wide as ever.

She obviously didn't know Lukas was using her as a cover up, she thought he missed her like she missed him. Philip felt guilty as he smiled a bit. Lukas didn't like her. Philips smile turned into a frown quickly. Lukas didn't like Philip either, he had made that clear.

Philip backed up, slamming his locker shut hard, walking down the hall, brushing his arm against Lukas' as he walked. 

Lukas grabbed his arm, letting go of Rose as she continued down the hall.

Philip stared up at him, silently. "What?"

"Don't.. just.." Lukas glanced around as he heard whispers. "Stop ignoring me.. I... I miss you.." 

Philip shook his head, pulling away, walking down the hall.

Lukas finally said something, this time it just wasn't enough.

~ 

Thursday came around, along with another string of texts from Lukas. They've now added to 59 texts in the past week. It made Philip feel sort of good, knowing Lukas missed him and was finally opening up, this time it just wasn't enough. He lied. Philip couldn't forgive that. After all, Lukas said he lied to everyone but Philip, and sadly, Philip has become everyone.

~ 

Saturday was the hardest, other than last Friday when he walked away. He was kept up all night, reading the texts Lukas had sent him along with his phone buzzing with more. They bascially said the same thing and they had added up to 67.

Philip don't be like this 

I really miss you alright?

I'm sorry

I wasn't lying I thought this would help  
Maybe we could go on a ride 

I really like you I don't get how you can't see that 

I mean I guess I get how you can't see that but I'm trying this is new 

Do you want me to come out? Will that get you to come back?

Please just reply to me

I'm worried 

I hope you're being safe 

Philip cmon 

Babe 

I really like you 

Like.. a lot 

I'm sleeping with your t shirt the one you left here last week

Before 

Before you dumped me 

I don't like being broken up 

This is gross I hate it 

I miss you 

At least reply with an I don't care or something 

Damn it Philip I'm worried 

I told my dad we're friends 

I told Rose too she looked at me funny maybe she thinks I'm weird now too 

Not that I mind being weird 

I'm okay with being weird as long as it's with you 

You're not weird 

You are weird but it's cute 

Philip 

You're cute 

I miss spending time with you this is so boring 

It's been 4 days 

How are you doing this ??? 

I'm so pissed 

Not at you 

At myself 

Philip don't hate me 

You keep me sane 

I lost a race 

I came in fifth 

There were 6 riders 

I was thinking about you 

I was so sad you weren't there 

I'm so sad Philip 

Please

It's been a week 

Do you miss me too?

I like to think so 

I dream about you 

They're nice 

Not lately they've been nightmares of you leaving 

I'm living a nightmare 

That was dramatic you'd tell me I was being dramatic 

You're reading these as soon as I send them 

Are they funny to you? 

Is this funny to you? 

Philip I'm going insane please 

We can just be friends 

It'll hurt really bad tho 

Oh god I'm guilting you im sorry 

I've done that to you enough 

I'm so sorry Philip 

For everything 

I wanna kiss it better 

Kiss where I hit you 

Kiss it all away 

The last message came and it was simple, unlike Lukas.

I'm coming over 

Philip dropped his phone next to him on his bed, sighing. "Gabe!" 

"Yeah?" Gabe called from down the hall.

"Lukas is coming over.." Philip said, quieter, as if he was ashamed.

Helen and Gabe both poked their head into his room.

"But you guys.." Helen trailed off. "You've been upset all week, Philip.."

"You've also been ignoring him, is this the best for you.." Gabe added.

Philip sighed. "Thought you'd want me to fix it.."

Gabe smiled, sitting on Philips bed, patting his arm. "You shouldn't make up with Lukas because you think we want you to-" 

"We do." Helen added, stepping in.

Gabe turned, glaring at her before turning his attention back to Philip. "We want you to, but the real question is, do you want to?"

Philip sat for a few seconds, staring st the wall before nodding. "Yeah... yeah I want to.."

Gabes smile widened. "Then we'll send him up when he gets here."

Philip just nodded and forced a smile and kept it up until Gabe and Helen had left. 

Philip laid back down, picking up his phone, rereading the message before replying for the first time in over a week.

Okay.

~ 

Philip wanted to lie to himself, wanted to tell himself he didn't know when Lukas got there. But he did..he recognized the sound of his bike just as if it was someone calling his name. He hated it, he hated that somehow some stupid blonde pretty boy who rides a motorcycle has became part of him.

Philip also wanted to lie and pretend that as soon as he heard the sound of Lukas' bike that he didn't jump out of bed, look in the mirror and fix his hair. And he definitely didn't change his shirt.. or put on cologne. Definitely not. He wasn't going to try and impress Lukas Waldenbeck. Never.

He jumped when he heard a knock on his door and he wasn't sure if he had ever jumped into bed so fast. (Okay, maybe he jumped into bed fast when there was a cute boy..)

Philip pulled the covers over himself, crossing his arms, staring at the wall.

Gabe peeked his head in. "Philip, Lukas is here.." 

Philip nodded, biting his cheeks so hard it hurt so he could avoid smiling.

Lukas was standing behind Gabe, holding a vase of assorted flowers. His hands curved around the middle and it was almost terrifying how Lukas' hand could make a big flower vase look so small. Except it wasn't terrifying, because it's Lukas, and Lukas is nothing to be afraid off.

Gabe backed up, letting Lukas walk in. Lukas turned, shutting and locking the door before sitting on the edge of the bed, extending his arm.

"Here.." Lukas mumbled, a small smile on his lips. "Helen said they were really pretty.."

Philip glanced at them, paying more attention to Lukas than anything else. But that isn't new. He turned his head, looking out the window.

Lukas laughed a little, standing up, walking in front of Philips view, kneeling down on one knee. "It feels like I missed an anniversary.."

Philip stayed silent.

"And that you're pissed."

"You got the second half right." Philip replies causing Lukas to smile fully. 

"Yeah?"

Philip nodded, grabbing the flowers, looking down at them. "Thanks.. they smell nice.." How do you even compliment flowers?

"Like you.." and the look on Lukas' face said it all. He didn't mean to say that out loud.

Philip couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Freak.."

Lukas rolled his eyes, picking up the vase, setting it on Philips nightstand. He sat down on the bed, in front of Philip, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." 

Philip opened his mouth to speak but Lukas shook his head. Okay? 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I punched you in the face. I'm sorry I kept hitting you. I'm sorry I pushed you away that night at the cabin because God knows I'd been wanting it. I just wouldn't let myself." Lukas glanced up at Philip and he almost looked like a child. Small and frightened. 

Philip slowly began to soften and round the edges.

"I.. um.. I told Rose.. that I was gay.. and seeing you.. she.. she wasn't mad at me for being gay.." 

Philip almost smiled.

"The world didn't explode either.. uh.. no one else magically appeared and told me that I was a freak.." 

Philip wanted to tell Lukas that he was his freak.

"She said she could tell I was cheating.. God I feel bad about that.." Lukas rubbed the back of his neck. "She swore not to tell.." He took another deep breath, looking at Philip to see if he was still listening.

Of course Philip was. 

"I.. I also.. may or may not have.. bought you something.." He winced, peeking up at Philip, smiling when he didn't yell. "It's.. not a big deal or... important but.." He smiled, fully this time. "Lemme just show you."

Lukas stuffed his hands into his pockets, sifting around until he found the mystery item he wa looking for. He grinned, pulling out a simple golden ring. 

"Before you start yelling or telling me I shouldn't spend money on you, I just wanna say I was planning on getting this or something like it.." 

Philip would've made a proposing joke if he remembered how to talk.

"I.. get.. I get I can be a pain in the ass.. and ignoring you at school and making fun of you can't be easy.. when, ya know.. you're dating me.." Lukas took a deep breath. "Was dating me.. or would it be were."

Philip grabbed Lukas' hand, holding it. "Keep going.." 

Lukas nodded. "Um..I.. I wanted to get you something you could wear.. that wouldn't be too obvious.. but would still mean something.. I got me one two and I thought maybe we could wear them.. and just.." 

Philip picked up the ring, looking at it, then back and Lukas, smiling a little.

Lukas felt any fear inside him disappear. He made Philip smile, a real smile, that was a good start. "I.. I've been thinking.. a lot.. about how I don't.. I never.. I never know what to say to you, normally there's thoughts buzzing through my head but when you're near me they all go away... but they don't.." 

Philip raised an eyebrow.

"That was stupid, um, okay.." Lukas rubbed his face, looking down. "I really like you, like a lot, like more than I should.."

"I know, Lukas."

"Let me finish, alright?" Lukas bit his lip. "At first I didn't want to be with you. I hated it. You got under my skin and made me feel safe but insane. I wanted to hate you and I tried to make myself hate you. It didn't work."

Philip could tell.

"But it didn't work. And you made me feel things. Warm, terrifying things. I wasn't me around you.." Lukas chuckled. "I wasn't the real me until I was around you. Does that make sense?"

Philip nodded. Lukas wasn't who he thought he was when he was around Philip. It was complicated, just like Lukas.

"And.. it was horrible. You'd wrap your arms around me and I'd suddenly worrying about wrecking the entire time when I have trophies for how good of a rider I am." He shook his head. "Then you kissed me and I really fucked up. I couldn't stop thinking about you." Lukas started to blush. "What you looked like. How you felt... God, Philip, you felt so breakable.. so fragile.. I just.." He rubbed his face. Lord, talking was hard. "I like being bigger because I like protecting you." Lukas sighed. "And that had nothing to do with it."

Philip smiled wider, shaking his head. "Don't care." He said quickly, terrified if Lukas stopped talking for too long he'd build his walls back up.

Lukas nodded, giving Philip a shy smile. "I.. I..." He looked down. "I hate that you're mad but I hate even more that it's my fault. That I made you watch me and Rose kiss and hold hands and nearly have sex.." He shook his head. "This is really hard."

"You're doing fine."

"You don't get it." 

Philip rolled his eyes and Lukas sighed. They both know Philip deserved to hear this. So he kept talking. 

"I really like you, Philip, and it's scary, fuck, it's terrifying, but it's only terrifying when it's not with you, so.. I don't know.. take me back? Make my life less terrifying."

Before Philip could reply Lukas held his hand up. Okay.

"No, it's... I... I love you and I don't know what to do or how to do it because I've never loved anyone before and it's weird and different but it's exciting and new.." 

Philip felt his cheeks light up. "Lu-" 

"And I really want to kiss you all the time and I don't think you get how hard it is because it's literally all the time. Whenever I'm driving. Whenever I'm in class. You're always on my mind."

"Luka-"

"And this week has been hell because the entire time I was worried about what you were doing."

Philip sighed. "Luk-" 

"I broke an ink pen on Friday because I saw you talking to Matt and Matt is known to fuck anything consenting and just the thought of someone seeing you the way I do and wanting you the way I do makes me sick." He panted, looking down, eyes wide. The flood gates had broken. Lukas was no longer thinking about what he was saying, he was just saying it. 

And Philip loved it.

Lukas looked up at Philip, keeping his eyes on him. "I.." He smiled. "I love you."

Philip nodded, wrapping his arms around Lukas' neck, pulling him into a hug. "And I love you." 

Lukas smiled, pushing Philip back on the bed, grabbing his hand, slipping the ring on his middle finger. 

Philip just smiled in response, pulling Lukas down for a kiss, keeping him there when Lukas complied.

Lukas pulled away, rubbing their noses together, grinning. "Are you still mad?"

Philip shook his head, playing with the hairs on the back of Lukas' neck. "No." He pulled him into a kiss before pulling away, pushing him down on the bed, laying next to him.

Lukas smiled, lifting his arm, patting Philip so he'd move closer. Philip pressed against Lukas' side, closing his eyes.

They were silent before Philip spoke again.

"So breakups?"

"Not for us." Lukas smiled, rubbing Philips side.

Philip nodded. "Not for us."


End file.
